DAVID BOWIE DIED.

David Bowie died yesterday. Heroes and Starman should have been played repeatedly by now but I can't listen to them more than once. I'm scared of this kind of day. The day that only happens once or twice a year. The day I have to try really hard to hold it in, to suck it up and seem normal. Usually I would make another tag, like how I call the others with their countries or the cheesiest tag I can give, which is "first love". It wasn't even love, just two teenagers happened to sit next to each other and share a bunch of stuffs. But today, I'm not ready to give another tag.

I can't believe I deserve this. This is not how I want to end anything. It's not polite, not right, not even true to who I am, or who he is. I hate social media and how it turns all the conversations to be. I ask myself if I would have told the same things I told yesterday face to face. I'm disappointed by the fact that he was the one to give up while everything he kept telling me was "don't write me off just yet." I really thought somehow I was a little in love. Because for the first time I really thought for someone but not myself. I put my ego down so I could minimize the damage. Or at least that's what I thought I did. 

Everything is different times after times, no matter what. And then they'll become the same. Shattered way back home, shattered music, shattered tea, shattered feelings. All will be shattered. I won't deal with this with hatred. I won't face it with weakness because anything goes against love and positive thoughts will only do harm. But I'm broken. I wish my good friend were here so she would hold me and pour a bunch of good things into my ears while I cry the shit out once and for all. I'd rather be stabbed severely than suffer from insidious pain. So that's what I will do even though it sounds like a coward, I will cry it all out until I'm ok again. Because I will be ok again.