CLEAN.

I'd been so uptight for the last several days. It's been difficult for me to write about anything. I lost control of myself in a way that turned me into an uncertain and vulnerable person, which is not the kind of representation I'd like to be. I was lost of words. I started to say the wrong things, repeated them times to times, and it made me foolish not only verbally.

I thought I knew what I wanted. As my world broadened and my senses came to life more vividly through new conversations and the old ones, I realized "I want something else." Basically, it's exactly what it is. But different.

Sometimes, I wonder if I could pack things up and take a flight without any clues or plans. Just go and leave everything behind. Be whoever I want to be, start my life over again.

Today, I woke up clean. I thought I was drowning that Saturday night. This morning, I breathed again. I could feel I was gaining myself back. Thirty days of a month, twenty nine days being good, only one day being shit. It's difficult to go through and realize how naturally, forgivably stupid I was on that day. And it's completely understandable.

I guess that's how things should be.