This morning, I type with a mind of rawness and the unconsciousness of being. Last night, I forgot to take Hedi to the rooftop for skating, as usual, he ended the day being a lazy ass with cute paws. This post is going to be a collection of scattered pieces in my memory. There will be no time structure or common sense.
I remember how scared I was the first time I step on a skating board. It was as intimidating as learning to ride a bicycle. The vision of hard falls and bruises was clear. Every time I stepped on that board, I held onto a thread above for balance. And every time that happened, I thought of falling forward and having my arms torn backwards. It was embarrassing and worthwhile.
I don't get Rick Owens. I liked Yohji Yamamoto for his philosophies but I will never understand his clothes. My experience in this field is marked by designers. Yves Saint Laurent has always hit my black heart. Hedi Slimane is good with installations, black and white & portrait photography. Raf Simons struck me after Dior & I, and his iconic photographic, typographic prints. Maison Margiela is a confusion, the aesthetics is identical but the target is strange. Lemair, I adore. Jil Sander's branding is a case study. I'm curious to see what Hedi will do at Chanel and how Saint Laurent will bring its Haute Couture line back.
Today is Game of Thrones day. Last week, we were all over the place for Hodor. Remember how many memes we shared and that "Hold The Door" um.. hold-the-door piece of wood by IKEA? Yes, I felt sad that Hodor died. I even felt much more heartbroken for Bran. It was Bran that moved me to tears. He was put in a position of the trouble-maker, realized the upcoming sacrifice of his friend in the most hopeless way possible. He lost Hodor, the Bloodraven, and couldn't control the warging when death was near. Watching people we care about being pulled away from us because of our own good, how heartbreaking is it? That was why I felt really sad watching The Doors episode, all because of what Bran went through.
Blood of My Blood was clearly a preparation for something huge coming. Once again, I have to say, I fucking love Arya! How she got convinced by Crane's acting skills, brushed off that poisoned glass of wine from Crane's hand, came back for the Needle and left The House of Black and White pumped adrenaline in my blood. Screw the Waif, she won't be able to kill Arya. The process of serving the Many-Faced God was essential for Arya to grow stronger and wiser. Now, she's coming back to Westeros.
I love you, Arya.
I got irritated by The High Sparrow so much. Apparently, the longer he lives, the more bittersweet his dethrone will be. Jaime Lannister is such a man. I want someone who fights and loves like him. Cercei's short hair is so on point with what she's become. Margaery has some plans, obviously. Gilly's makeover strikes and Sam mans up. Uncle Benjen is back as Bran's protector. Last but not least, Mother of Dragons is ready for what belongs to her, baby. Her speech was so empowering that I almost joined her army, Dro.. kh.., Sons of.. and the.. of Har.. yeah I never remember.
YES!!
Bitch.
They'll be fine.
The names of the last three episodes have been revealed: No One, Battle of Bastards and The Winds of Winter, which is also the name of the upcoming book. So my wild guess is: Arya, Jon Snow versus Ramsay Bolton, and The Wall goes down. My dude suggests me reading the books from the beginning. He was so convincing. What can I say? Let's get back to the reading life. This morning, I spoiled Game of Thrones to him and he tricked me to feel so bad about it. Well honey, I'm going to spoil the rest of this season to you. Try to chat while closing your eyes.
I don't know whether because I only had four hours of sleep or Game of Thrones episode 5 was really touching in the end, I sort of cried a little. How could I be so stupid the whole time? Of course, Hodor, 'Hold the door!'. Hodor became Hodor because of protecting Bran and died for the same reason. Two realities were parallel. I couldn't hold my tears while he held the door. How could I be so numb not being able to figure it out the first place? That Bloodraven scene was touching, too. Anyone ever had a mentor or a close, old friend will get it. My God, it was a sobbing legit.
I want to know more about the White Walkers leader. We have been given key pieces of his puzzle for seasons but I can't still see the big picture. I also have hope for the Starks reunion. Doesn't matter if they will physically gather. A power summon or a spiritual crossroad is enough. Man, I still think about that Bran scene. Too bad the wolf had to die. I thought the Bloodraven and Meeran would be killed. Turned out it was Hodor, not Meeran. There's this crazy theory saying that Meeran is Jon's twin. R+L=J+M. Yeah, it's that crazy. They do assemble each other somehow though Jon gave me an impression of being older than Meeran.
I mean, come on!
God bless the Greyjoys. They should leave the island. Look at those foolish, narrow-minded and violent men, they don't deserve to be ruled. Greyjoys will be fine. Poor Littlefinger, isn't it weird that he didn't know the bloody hobbies of Ramsay? Lord Bolton didn't even mind hiding it. And Varys, please tell me he's not falling for the second red woman. It was both funny and awkward seeing him losing a bit of himself for her words. Though she has a terrible acting skill, she looks appealing. Suddenly, I like Melisandre for not liking the new one. I hope I'm wrong for I've always had the tendency to like smart and seductive characters.
Sansa only trusts Jon half way. Getting wise, I see. Jon and I, pardon me for the unrelated comparison, have something in common. We could swear life and death to one thing then leave it for good after fulfilling our words. We don't lie, we tell the truth and live upon it. We offer loyalty and walk away with integrity. So the best thing for someone who pairs up with Jon, or me, is always having his or her own backup. I'm curious to see Ramsay suffer. He has to suffer before he dies. Who knows, could be different.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, hisfarm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, “Why God? Why me?” and the thundering voice of God answered, “There’s just something about you that pisses me off.
—
Stephen King, Storm of the Century
Yes, either that or God really loves you. It's absurdly difficult to find Stephen King here. Anyway, the political situation in this country is getting funnier day by day. By 'situation', I mean a humorless joke that's been repeated on a broken vinyl endlessly from a turntable to another. Life, in my humble pea-alike eyes, is so damn fair. Why argue with a fella for opinions when you can enjoy a bowl of ramen and a glass of rice water alone? It's unnecessary for a man to pull the trigger if he can afford an assassin. So is it for you. You don't have to clean the mess if the maid arrives twice a week.
I'm raising a kitten. Hedi, his name is. Every night, Hedi jumps on my bed, demands a massage and either chews on my shoe strings or my unplugged, unused electric wires. He falls asleep after an hour and freely takes the center of the bed. I love Hedi. He's so smart, handsome and independent. Sometimes his paws get stuck in my draped-over-the-chair pants and he keeps swinging back and forth like Tarzan. Big greyish eyes and waving tail.
Have I told you about my sensitive ears? I wrote about it in such a sentimental post that I had to delete it later. My ears are a little different from others'. Particularly, my inner ears are made of sensitive fibers and they react to the sound quite dramatically. I can't use earphones, I hardly use headphones, and Q-tip cotton is my nightmare. When I'm sick or nervous, my ears get achy and itchy. It affects my mood and generates anger. Back in high school, while being on the bus, I saw my friend plugging her earphones like the same thing she did every day, it stirred a big question in me. "How come your ears never ache?", I asked. She looked at me and smiled in the most satisfying way I couldn't envy any less. The doctor told me it was a condition, not a disease to cure, and I'd have to live with it for good. Annoying and special much.
I'm watching Futurama, created by the same father of Bart Simpson. It's hilarious, witty and wicked. Fry resembles me so accurately and Bender is like 'Damn!'. I laughed like nuts while chugging tea. Not sipping, chugging. So damn good I finished my egg sandwiches in the blink of an eye.
I've been caught up with Game of Thrones fan theories lately. Seriously, you guys open my mind.
. R+L=J is likely to be true after the Tower of Joy's short mention.
. Tyrion to be a Targaryen? Not really for me. He's able to control the dragons though.
. The Hound to fight against The Mountain aka Sir Gregor? Man, high chance.
. Bran Stark to whisper to the mad king's ears the whole time and turned him.. well.. mad? Mm, sounds interesting but not convincing enough.
. Littlefinger was the one to send the "Rickon's hostage" letter but not Ramsay? Based on the use of the words "Come and see"? If that's true, I'll thank God. When the letter scene happened, I was so disappointed in Ramsay as he revealed himself too much. What an act of foolishness. If Littlefinger is truly behind this then he's the real man of schemes and Varys will be the real man of strategies. And as always, I prefer Varys.
Anyway, I made a bet with my best friend dude that The Cleganebowl would not happen. There's a high chance I'll lose. Same thing happened with Jon Snow's fate. So yeah, we'll see if I can make a hat trick this season.
At the end of the day, I want to feel nothing, know nothing and see nothing. I want to see no one, listen to no one and talk to no one. There's no name, no address and no solution. No question, no answer and no word. No nothing. I'm nothing. What I want is nothing.
I can feel my worries are wearing my guts out. I can see my overthinking affects my well-being. I'm completely on the down road for waiting and wondering. I don't know the reason for my sickness, my sadness and my sleepless nights. I want to take back and return things. Want to create and destroy things. I'm simply worn out and I don't bother to find the cure.
I'm covered in black but my vision is bright. I sit in darkness but my mind is light. My heart is warm and my hands are wide open. I wonder what I wonder and I find the answer in the question itself.
Last Sunday was my personal treat with a movie list of four. I began the morning at 12, having the ideal breakfast, scrambled egg with a glass of iced water, and dipped myself into Coco & Igor. I wouldn't say it was among the best movies I've watched. It's even somewhere near the bottom. But the movie did stir my sense of fashion and interest in Coco Chanel, which had never happened to me before. My issue with Coco & Igor is that the movie was flat. The music wasn't memorable. The costumes were predictable. What it did was giving me an impression of Coco, which is a combination of independence and decisiveness I've had the occasion to know, something cold on the outside and stormy, full of passion on the inside.
I'm about to become the same.
And stay late at the studio the same.
Isn't this romantic? Btw, Igor was led by Hannibal.
I then washed my brain with What We Do in The Shadows. I'd watched this movie before and every time was hilarious. It's witty, carefree and silly. The costumes were beautiful and the actors were charming. You'll find it quirky at first, then normal as human after ten minutes. In my point of view, those vampires were even better than the human I know. I have not much to say about this movie. It's too good every one should watch.
Like I said, they were quirky and normal af.
I like this guy the most. He was so nice and fun.
Look at that. Come on.
Vampires with class.
At 6:30, I made myself some tea and fries for Frank. It's about a young man desiring to find his core in writing music but ended up re-defining someone else's. An eccentric band, in particular. A group of weird people led by Frank, who always wore a big costume head even when he ate and took a shower. The young man's name was Jon. Jon played keyboard and quit his job to stay with the band for a year to write an album. They were so closed to be famous, so closed that it almost ruined everything. But Jon fixed it in the end. I'll spoil you with the fact that Frank will remove the big head and you'll get to see his quite handsome face, you won't find this detail the best in this movie though. There's no bar to tell whether Frank is good or bad, just eccentric enough to watch.
You know they made such a movie just by looking at them.
That head haunted me.
That mouth. No, you won't be able to delete it.
I still don't get Frank's vibe in music.
10:30 and I switched to Only Lovers Left Alive. My kind of movie, everyone. This movie is about an artistic, sophisticated vampire couple led by Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston. The woman, Eve, lived in Tangier, Morocco and the man, Adam, lived in Detroit, America. Eve reunited with her depressed musician husband just so as to leave Detroit without any plans due to a bloody incident and get back to Tangier. Here, Eve and Adam went thirsty. After giving up Adam's source of type-O-negative blood in America and learning that Eve's source had run out for getting polluted, they were closed to give up on a pavement of a street. What happened next was between romantic and not so romantic. Wasn't bloody at all. I like Only Lovers Left Alive for its cast, costumes, locations and script. So you can start with this one first before the rest.
Now that's what I'm talking about.
Everything was beautifully and meticulously thought of.
Romantic enough for me.
The cast, my dear, the cast.
I can do this all day. Look at her coat. Look at the color.
I'm Eve in Only Lovers Left Alive. I'm still more like Wednesday in Adams Family, of course.
Here's my rank of last Sunday:
1. Only Lovers Left Alive.
2. What We Do in The Shadows.
3. Frank.
4. Coco & Igor.
Now, I'll let my dry eyes rest and dream of Tangier. If you want to listen to some good music after chilling with those four above, I can give you Bethena: A Concert Waltz from The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Joplin wrote this after his wife died. I'll quote some of my favorite lines from the movie for you:
Some people were born to sit by a river. Some get struck by lightning. Some have an ear for music. Some are artists. Some swim. Some know buttons. Some know Shakespeare. Some are mothers. And some people, dance.
Bethena: A Concert Waltz is playing. I will not come back when I get to Singapore. The situation varies. I may not come back literally. Or I may with a different self. In short, I will not return the same. I will miss the person I am today.
I feel like I had a whole life before and I can't remember it. This nostalgia is based on no certain memories. Something I ache for, at times in tears, at times in hope. I feel as if I had been old, as if I had loved someone with all my heart, known every nook of a city so well.
I want certain people to remember me in music. Some would choose jazz. Some think of an appealing beat with whispers, the kind that takes off your clothes. Some play the piano. Some write songs about me. Some enjoy the silence. How would you remember me, my dear? When I leave, what kind of music will be played? Perhaps some will remember me in scent instead?
Cigarettes smell differently on skin. It's tamed on hands, stronger on chest, light on hair, and smoky on clothes. Have any of my readers kissed to taste? Don't say no to unhealthy habits. Others' perspectives don't have a thing on a person. But a person without a perspective is a real concern. Kiss. Kiss deeply, blindly, kiss on the front, on the side of the mouth. Treat life romantically. Erase yourself for a while, live the moment without the knowledge of time.
I went back home from the funeral. What a long day. I realized life could be a whole universe or a grain of sand. And that doesn't even matter. People are ghosts walking around ready for their coffins. I'm so tired from the cries and the deadlines up to my ears. And I realized I no longer could just pop up a rambling message and hoped for comfort. Or a simple "How are you?" Perhaps besides my family and Hedi, no one would care if I had ever gone back. Such little things remind me of such great value I used to have. I woke up from the most tiring nap having no idea it was a sleep. Today, some people left the sea, some came off the mountain, some went back from a funeral. I envied those who were enjoying life while I passed my mother's grave in the purest sadness. I was speechless, vulnerable, and very lonely. She now rests with her brother, the kindest uncle of mine. He was a sincere and generous man, a man that never judged. This is one of the saddest day I've ever gone through. The day I saw my mother again in black clothes and white headband, saw her dear brother off the road of his life. Even if vulnerability was inspirational like they said, it's aching to confess the truth.
I want to share with you my technical problems I've been dealing with this midnight. At 2 a.m thanks God!
1. Tumblr
Oh my God I don't think Tumblr will ever really be helpful as it's stated to be. I tried to switch my secondary blog to my primary one but I couldn't. Tumblr doesn't allow users to do that. That's why people couldn't see my likes on jamienguyenbao.tumblr.com. After an hour of googling and coding in desperation, I came up with this idea: make a page that redirects to the links: tumblr.com/liked/by/clueless-yves.com (clueless-yves is my primary blog, sadly). It worked! Still, you won't be able to see my likes if you open jamienguyenbao on Tumblr app for mobile, only on PC and Tumblr.com on your browser. You'll like my likes as I love it. To confirm the news, this is my true primary blog on Tumblr:
jamienguyenbao.tumblr.com
please come in and bare with me.
2. A Dark Room (game)
Now this is not a problem. This is an addiction! Probably a problem.. A minimal adventure, strategy game based entirely on words. I prior simplicity and short content so A Dark Room is definitely my new go-to. And we don't even have to download it. Good for the world. Especially for me because I do graphic, remember? My laptop is full of high resolution photos and it's cramping day by day. So there's no way I'd be glad to spend another generous space for another good game.
Whoever created A Dark Room is a genius.
http://adarkroom.doublespeakgames.com/
3. My laptop
Yes. Before I had time to play that awesome game above, fix my Tumblr and stuffs, I had to go through a technical crisis with my laptop. The whole screen blacked out and the taskbar wouldn't work. I tried restarting four times then waited for half an hour for it to work properly again. It wasn't long, only enough to freak me out. Laptop is a part of my life. Without it, what does graphic mean? Now, older people will laugh at me.. I want a Mac Pro so bad. Seriously, why is it so expensive? Apple, could you reduce your price so this poor graphic kid can afford it? What I do will make the world more beautiful. The same vision that Steve Jobs had you know? To not only focus on the function but also the appearance itself. Come on.
It's 2.42 a.m now. I'll go to bed happily for my new fix on Tumblr and excitedly to play A Dark Room tomorrow. Such a shame I couldn't leave Hanoi these days. Things would have been messed up if I had. I miss the scene of the beach so much. Another four-day stay at A la Carte is fine, I won't ask for much. The last time I was there, I forgot my wallet. Yes, no muffins or chocolate at night, no room service. Everything went through "asking your sister or brother-in-law". Let's hope my memory will work better this year.
